Stephen Fuller *** Poetry, Essays

Admittedly… updated with a Creep video

I am tired and caught myself wondering today, “Is this real?”


Yesterday, I read one of the Sailors from the Theodore Roosevelt died and a Pavlovian cry snuck up on me. Spend 27 years of your life caring for Sailors and a lifetime connection to complete strangers sailing at sea causes emotions to flair up.

An old boss was in the news, keeping his ships at sea to keep his Sailors safe. Proud of him.

An old shipmate leads efforts on MERCY to help people in New York. Proud of him.

I talk to one of my best buddies once a week, he commands a ship on the West Coast, and it always resets my perspective. This is a difficult time we are living through, no doubt, but I remember serving on those ships, I know what they are dealing with, and what I am dealing with here… at home… it’s easy. Damn easy.

Life at sea in normal conditions is hard.

Still, some days I just want to wake up with all the rest of us and say, “what a terrible nightmare!”

But I don’t. You don’t. We don’t.

Perspective. I call my Mom. I call my daughter. I call my sister.

I finish another lesson in my teaching certification.

I think, “I really need to do some work on my blog.” But the phone calls seem more important. Being ready to do good work whenever things open up again seems more important.

It will be okay.


Going to add a little video to this… a powerful, emotional performance of Creep by Radiohead:

17 Responses to “Admittedly… updated with a Creep video”

  1. mbrazfieldm

    Yes we all have a mission and I sense that God is talking to all of our hearts simultaneously. Although painful for us, let’s rejoice and take comfort that our loved ones are resting at Home much strength friend xo

    Liked by 2 people

    • Stephen

      It’s hard not to believe that He isn’t telling us something. Either we slip into nihilism, perhaps the temptation of the more materialistic mindsets; or we embrace this precious moment where we can connect with the fraction of the Truth that has been revealed to us and honor it with kindness, creativity, and hope. We will get through this, and because of these connections we make with one another in the creative garden that the modern world provides, we can be better. Honored to be picking weeds and dropping poetic seeds with you my friend.


  2. ivor20

    I resemble the tiredness…I’m on the phone as much as I can, to my siblings… I have a 4 way video hook up with my pub mates, for chat twice a week….. I chat with writing my friends, especially Gina, who’s under stressful pressure at her hospital, and I know our chats are good for her,….. I’ve friends ringing me to cheek up on me…. I’m in contact with my cousins in Philadelphia, ( I’m worried about them)……. I write, I cry… I cry, I write…. I put a cover over my keyboard…. so I don’t flood the panel…… I’ve run out of tissues, so have the shops………… I’m blogging, but enthusiasm is low….. and now it’s time for my walk….. Cheers Stephen

    Liked by 1 person

    • Stephen

      Walking is key. What is helping me most is morning yoga followed by either a run or a small workout. Then, on spring-like days, long walks to the nearest farm to commune with the animals. Horses, cows. Life. May not be human, but it is life. Be strong Ivor, for you, for your pub mates, for your writing friends and Gina, for your siblings. We are all grateful for you. You do more than you know.


      • ivor20

        Thank you for your kind encouragement Stephen, I’ll be ok, it’s the same as when I have stroke fatigue, some days are worse than others.. and I’ll cope, like I have over the last 20 years.. 😊🙄

        Liked by 1 person

    • Stephen

      Me too. The biggest impact for me, on a personal level, has been on blogging, which feels ironic, but I find my days filled with those things I mentioned in the post and also changing my fitness habits. I remain in everyone’s camp and encourage all creative processing! Gosh… there is a lot of it going on, eh?



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